a day at hillpark

December has always been fun, because of holidays after a super hectic college life. but, this year is different from another year before. i usually go back home when holiday, but i decided to stay this time. a week of free days is indeed a very boring, time go much slower, so we decided to go for an short escape. it just the two of us, driving to 46 km away from medan. and here we are, at Hillpark.

we arrived there by around eleven in the morning, and directly go for a ride, take a countless picture, laugh till our stomach hurts, and it is fun.

the roller coaster was super fun, we screams, we laugh till all the people look at us, but who cares. the wheel takes us to the top, and it was super cool. the haunted house was crazy, i screams like crazy, and run back to the entry door. everything was nice there, the people, the food, the vibes. we go back home by four and arrived around six. tired face, oily hair, body ache, it all worth it with the fun we had.

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a little thoughts

"I just don't get how you can go from being someone's best friend to getting kicked to the curb. But that's exactly what happened."

- The Wimpy Kid #9 Hard Luck, Page 6.

Let me tell you about a friend of mine. I've known her for almost 10 years, and we are friend for this last 5 years. We passed a lot of things together. Thru thick and thin, ups and downs. But, friendship won't stay the same if the person changed. Yes i know, people do change. But i barely know her now. The person i see before is changing. The warm inside her is all changing into a cold person i never see before. A little by little, slow but sure.She talk to me when she feel like it. She don't talk to me when she's not in the mood. She's crazy when she feel like it. She forget about me, when she with her "new friend". I felt left out, yes?

Yes, i do. But somehow i realized that i don't live for another people. I've been thinking about other's feeling too much, i forgot mine. I've been too kind to others, then they just turn their back when they had a chance. I've treated like shit like i don't belong here. Like i don't matter to them.

Then one day i just begin to let her do anything she likes. She talks to me, then ok. She ignore me, then what? I couldn't care less. Just because, i need to put my happiness first before anyone else.

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a little bit lost

reaching the fourth year of college.

the last year. two more semester to go.

time flies too fast, i feel like i just leave high school yesterday.

but see me now,

at the top of college year yet so confused what i'm going to do when i'm done.

yes, i want to be done as soon as possible.

but looking to the world out there, scare me.

i don't have any idea what i'm going to do next.

 

my mother keep asking me,

what i'm going to do yet i have no idea.

she asked me about job,

yet i can't answer her.

 

should i search a job?

should i go to profession school?

should i search for a scholarship?

i am really lost.

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she

She was the sound of glass shattering -- the sharp ringing in your ears. The perpetual motion of a spinning ballerina trapped inside a music box. The sad, tinny tune of La Vie en Rose.

She was the zigzag in your straight line. The absence in your direction. She was every turn you took when racing against through a hedge maze, against the setting sun.

She was the tide that came in and out, like the breath of the wounded. She was the blood that flowed between heart and head.

She was the book that was not written. The sentence that was not scripted. She was the word you wished you could have said.

-- Lang Leav, Memories

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twenty first

turning twenty first on 29 may.

i used to be excited about birthdays but its become less and less as i grow older.

i don't expected everybody to greet me anymore but i just need that some people who really cares.

i don't wait till 12pm to see who the first person who greet me, but i know who stay awake to greet me.

when my bestfriend not even greet me the exact day, i'm still fine with it.

cause i know they either want to greet me when they meet me, or simply because they forget.

and it's okay.

years passed so fast, and i just can't believe that i reach my 20's.

i used to think,

"omg 20 feels so old"

"how it is to be 20"

"am i ready"

but, truth is, you don't even get time to get ready because time flies too fast.

 

twenty's doesn't feel that bad.

i feel like i grow up to now, i feel more immature than i was before,

i don't even mad at little things anymore.

and the most important is, i changed a lot.

i left that 

immature, arrogant, childish, stubborn,not confident and not socialize lili

when i reach 20's.

i feel more alive now, i don't depend on people anymore,

cause i know, i'm not here to please people.

 

birthday's greeting, suprises, cake.

i'm so thankful to those who still remember and celebrate it with me.

 

first -- Struggle x Rudy x Marvin x Cath x Chun

 

i was totally surprised cause i have no idea they're going to give me a cake.

everything went so normal from morning, then we went for a lunch with struggle and cath.

i don't suspicious anything cause cath sometimes join us for lunch.

after lunch, they said they want to karaoke then we just go sing, without wina.

we book for 3 hours, but before 3 hours they said they want to go out

and want to go eat something and elmi suggest to Garden Cafe.

arrived there, i  saw wina's car and i just think omg such a coincidence to meet her here.

but when i went in to the cafe, there's no wina.

i just simply think maybe she go to another cafe nearby.

after we sat, i saw marvin outside and i just say,

"eh that's marvin"

and all of them laugh, then i know i just being fooled guys.

so, i just want to say thankyou for the cakes, the surprise, the time.

it's the third year with struggle, and i am counting another year with them again.

second -- part of Lavvejs

as you know, aska and vivian is not in town amd it just left the four of us.

it's kinda hard to find a right time with the cause we have a totally different schedule.

but here we are,

it's a fine saturday afternoon when elmi ask me to go here.

first i just wear a ripped jeans, and a shirts.

but then elmi says, "go wear something beautiful li"

i have a weird feeling.

when we arrived at the cafe, elmi choose a very hidden place.

a second weird feeling comes.

we ordered and till our food comes, there's nothing happen.

fyi, our food takes around 30mins.

i think it just my feeling, so i just start eating.

the suddenly, the birthday comes song and there's this 2 girls coming to me.

everybody was staring at me i can't even.

i hate when people look at me.

so i just tell them to sit and taraaa

the photo session started!

jean made this for me!!

third -- Elmi x Cilo x Rei

the next day, so it's Sunday

elmi suggest to go to Matador.

then this guy comes.

i don't even know how can i get close to him cause the first 2 years in pharmacy we barely talk.

we just talk about important thing.

the the third year, we are in same class.

and he's close to elmi. so i just think that just happened.

so thanks for the pharmacy couple (rei&cilo), and ofc elmi!!

 ----------

i'm surrounded by a very kind, loving, understanding people in my life.

even sometimes, we fight, we  mad at each other, and has a different opinion.

i still feeling blessed.

thankyou for everything guys.

i couldn't ask for better.

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things are shit

i am not been well lately, both physically and mentally. i've caught a cold, sore throat and cough its killing me. im so sensitive nowadays and i dont even know why. the negative energies keep coming to me, it sucks. i tried to going out with friends, but it doesn't help at all.

i'm at the point of my life where i need a 'change'. my life has been going on the same routine almost every-fucking-day. just like a robot, which has been set. i wake up early, having my breakfast, then go to colloge. eat my lunch then go home, watch drama till the time for bed. 4 days out of 7. where friday, saturday and sunday, i just lazying at home drama marthoning or even sit all day at the cafe. i tried to kills time by doing things like that. i just really need a break.

almost three years of being single. that things never bother me before cause i know the right person will come at the right time. but now, i envy people who go out at saturday night and having a person to talk to at the most unimportant things. to be honest, i scared of been in a relationship. its not making any sense but i just scared of wasting my time with a wrong people. i saw a lot of people failed at the end and it scares me.

"everything will be so good so soon just hang in there and don't worry about it too much."

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Rupat Island

you may have not heard about Rupat but this place does exist. its in Riau and it is a very small city. went there for new year, with family and their friends. it is a late post indeed. leave house at around 6 and arrived at Dumai around 8. from dumai, we cross over the sea by Ferry to Rupat. it takes only 45 minutes from dumai to rupat, but because its a year end, many people go there, so the q is super long. arrived at rupat's port around 1. and take another couples hour to where we stay. it is a very long way to go.

Rupat is a very small city, at the very peak of Riau, where is very near to Melaka and Port Dickson. There is no mall, restaurant, hotel, even an ATM here. Even there's no signal there. We stay at Temple, eat at resident's house, and only went to the beach. Nothing interesting but the togetherness come.

"I've learned that home isn't a place. it's a feeling."

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