struggle

struggle.

it just the fourth of us, girls who has been together for 2 years and still counting.

why struggle?

it was made by accident, it simply describe the fourth of us who has been struggling all this years.

struggling for study, for laboratory, for journals, for the acc, for skipping our meals, for run here and there for laboratory, for petting the mice (s), for the sleepless night, for all the money spent for 'laboratory things', for being yelled with the laboratory assistant, for giving up our own quality time, for 7 days of weekdays.

for S,Farm.

struggle.

we came from four girls who are really different.

style, personality, background, the way we talk, the way we think.

all of them.

but there's one thing in common.

we weird.

not at the bad meaning but.

we talk nonsense, we joke around, we laugh at our own jokes, we even laugh at our own selfies. we talk in 3 languages at once.

call us weird but nah this is us.

we talk, we laugh, we learn, we gossip, we do crazy things, we fight, we argue, we get mad at each other, we eat a lot, we do things.

thats us.

Read More

Not for Nothing

i'm in the point of my life that everything feels so wrong. i got bored with what happen around me.
it feels like i need a long holiday, but when it's holiday i got nothing to do.
it feels like i need a book to read, but when i begin to read, i cant barely read a chapter.
it feels like i need an ice cream, but when i ate it, it feels nothing.
it feels like i need a good new songs, but when i downloaded it, it just feels wrong.
i dont know what happen with me.
everything feels so wrong.

so i guess im at the point where i need a time alone, like literally.
going to places ive never been, with nobody feels right, right now.
but time and money become a big enemy of mine.
i got no time, since college is taking all of my hours.
i got no money, cause i havent even work. all of money comes from my parents.

going to save some money for travelling, next year.
it doesnt have to be somewhere or something with a big budget.
i just need to take a day off from this city, alone, in a places where i can restarting my mind.

Read More

looks like rain

 its been raining almost everyday here at medan. i used to hate rain especially while im outdoor, uhm not hate but just a little not comfortable with them. but lately, everyone here is waiting for them cause the haze is getting crazier.

the forest fires in Riau and Palembang is unstoppable. they keep fire the forest for their own sake. they dont even think what the effect of burning it. people cant breathe, the populated air is so disturbing, and not healthy. people get sick, kids die. its too rude. 'some' people blame the president. like excuse me, is that something the president can control? just like earthquake, tsunami, hurricane, and others. the forest fires come from people who not responsible. i believe the president is doing something now.

wandering the town with elmi a few weeks ago and shot a couple of pictures. going to off now, cause i got things to learn for tomorrow. promise to update my blog more often, but lets see.

Read More

all alright

weeks has passed from exam day and it is holiday now.
fasting month is going to the end and guess what, idul fitri is just in the corner.
not going anywhere for holiday and probably going to stay in home till holidays end.
but its all fine cause just being here feels so good.

the outcome of the test is surprisingly nice, well even though it not reach what i want but its okay, its all okay cause i passed them all.
im going to fix my failed score by this semester, and i am trying hard to increase my score.
im grateful though for what ive got.

since i have a lot of time, lets try something different.
im going to challenge myself to write a fifty facts about myself.
lets see how well i know myself.
lets get started then.

1. my name is Liliani Thomas.
2. i like Lili more.
3. i once asked my mom what the meaning of my name and she said that my name has no meaning. but i googled about it and i found out that Liliani in Italy is Kara which means Beloved, and i love it.
4. i have a very curly and volume hair and its kind of sucks cause i dont like them tehee.
5. i have 3 piercings. 2 on the right ears and 1 on left.
6. and i have 3 tattoos as well.
7. i love to wear bracelet, in foot not hands.
8. i love to color my nails with dark colors.
9. im 150+ which i hope i can get taller a lil more.
10. i get easily bored in everything.in songs, books, decoration, hair style, games. you mention it.
11. i love instrumental musics and indie genres. but i listen to everything as long as i like them.
12. i dont eat seafood, pork, beef, etc. i only sticks on chicken and vegetables.
13. cause i want to be a vegetarian. someday.
14. crazy about yoga and boxing and i wish to learn them.
15. i like red and yellow.
16. i like tulips.
17. not the type of easily fall in love person.
18. i dont beleive in love in the first sight, it suppose to be adore not love.
19. a closed person if i can say. im not the type of person that tell you all my problem. if i can handle it myself, i wont ask for help.
20. and im not the type that going to ask you what happen, i like it more if you say it by your will.
21. i am the type of person that if you come closer, im going to stay away. if you know what i mean.
22. its kind of hard to blend in new things for me.
23. i like being alone.
24. i cant swim, bike, badminton. you can say that im weak in sports cause i am.
25. i eat a lot for fucks sake.
26. sucks at saving money, but come on, i tried at least.
27. i hate closed minded people, like seriously. its 2015 baby.
28. study pharmacy.
29. love trying new things.
30. not an expert at cooking but i love doing it.
31. breasties over testis.
32. i love travelling but got no money lol.
33. i hate people who became enemies after broke up. come on, you're friends before anything.
34. i hate people that tell me to do something.
35. a good listener but not a good talker.
36. i love wearing a one piece suit (read: dress, jumpsuit)
37. i like to read.
38. im a type that cold to a new people cause thats just the way i am.
39. i want to try travelling alone someday.
40. fall seven times, stand up eight. i really really loves this quote.
41. i like spending my times alone. in my room, drowning into a movies, drama or even books.
42. a really on time person, if i can say. my time is under control so if i miss even a minute, im going to panic. cause i am just weird as that.
43. so basically, i hate late.
44. i pose and that doesnt mean im a model or some what. but i enjoy standing in front of camera, but not with a hundred eyes on me. its distracting.
45. i may not fall in love easily but i fancy people fast.
46. i like shirt with sexy back, really.
47. i hate living in indonesian, not the country though but the people. there's 90% closed minded people living here. so i wish i live somewhere out from indo, and can be myself, wearing what i like, and do the fucking things i like.
48. im crazy over an ombre hair but my mom just dont like it so im stuck with this black hair.
49. i hate people that blame themselves and asked for pity like duh.
50. and i am not a romantic person ha.

Read More

twenty

officially twenty and feeling so blessed.
thankyou for the wishes, the surprises, and also the cake (s) either its on the day or even late.
for the people around me, family, struggle, bestfriends, friends,classmate and whoever it is.
couldnt ask for more.

"im not gettting old, im getting better"

Read More

the meaning behind.

black ink. tattoo.
i never thought that im going to have these things cause i never like them.
but then when my brother made one, i just so so in love with this things.
so i decide to make one and barely i know that they are so addicting.

i always think that tattoo is something personal.
what you like, you inked them.
what you like, you make them forever with you.
i made them not just because, nah i like this, lets get ink. or wah this is nice, lets tattoo it.
no no.
im not that kind of people.
tattoo is made for forever, and i dont even have a thoughts to get rid of them.

so before i made them, i think first.
so here they are.

Face Your Fears
i am the type of people that scared to a new things, to difference, to stand in front of people, to become a center of attention and so many things.
but then i promise myself to face my own fears, then i tattooed it.

Fall Seven Times, Stand Up Eight
ive been up and down in my life. i believe everyone does.
this inked remind me to dont ever ever give up on something.
so everytime i feel down, and see this tattoo, i tell myself to not ever give up.

盛月 (Shèng Yuè)
Shèng, it's a part of my father's name and Yuè is from my mother.
i love my parents, so much i cant breath.
i always think that, i am nothing without them. and im not me without them.
so i decided to inked their name, just to remind me that i have a very very loving and supportive parents like them.
they're just my everything.

"Some people hang their art. i wear mine."

Read More

people always leave.

it happens. to me.
it sucks at first, but im fine with all of them now.
and im happier.

so it happen first with the people i know the longest since i enter junior high school.
it just happen that im with her and we turned out to be bestfriend.
till the last year of senior high school, so basically ive known her for 5 years.
i broke up, and my ex is a bestfriend of hers.
then i turns out to being a fan of my junior. and i dont want anybody know it, except for my bestfriend.
so lavvejs know it.
then one day, i find out that she tell my ex about my junior and im kind of mad with her.
i wont get mad with her if she just tell me that my ex want to know he.
i mad because she cant be trusted. i disappointed, my bestfriend cant be trusted.
i dont talk to her till the last day of school, and i started talk to her again when lavvejs went to singapore but without her because she's busy with her tuition.
we gave her a shirt, so lavvejs have their own shirt.
yes, i still hang around her now, but i just cant talk about anything with her anymore.
so in the end, she's no longer my bf, she's just another friend.

then it happens again to my another girl.
i spend a lot of time with her, i cant even lie to her, because she know when im lying, when we're lying. she just like have a superpower to read our mind, lol jk.
after senior high school, we went to different university.
while i still stuck in north sumatara, she's now in east java.
she come to medan when she's in holiday.
its all fine at first and we decided to keep in touch.
first time she come home, we still hanging out together, 6 of us.
then the second time she come home, we still hanging out together, 5 of us.
then the third time she come home, we dont gather anymore.
she's going out with a, then b, then c but never together and i dont know why.
and that a, b, c dont invited d or e.
then she go back to east java.
hurts, but i dont want to think it any longer so yeah it all pass now.

and for this girl.
she know me pretty well, and we turns out to be at same university and same department but different class.
she was my bestfriend, my sister, and even my partner in crime.
we spend time a lot and talk about so many things.
then she came. i dont blame her for everything that happen, cause maybe this is just the way it be.
slowly, i dont became her bestfriend anymore, she is.
i dont became her sister anymore, she is.
i dont became her partner in crime anymore, she is.
i dont became the first person to know her problem and never know because she never tell me.
when 3 of us hang out together, they talk about things, forget that i was there and made me left behind.
they talked non stop, barely do they know that im dying a little.
slowly but sure, i dont hangout with them anymore.
i avoid hang out together.
i rather stay at home, alone then feel lonely.

xx,lili.

 

Read More

take me away

went to the beach with elmi and julia right away after the exam.
i've been craving for some holidays and the beach just come across my mind.
nah so here are we, at pantai pondok indah.
the sound of the sea just take me away i dont want to go home hahaha

had so much funn, we laughed like crazy, take a lot like really a lot of photos and dont care what others see us, like ya the beach is all ours!

not going to campus till next monday, yea to days-off.

"and in that moment i swear, we were infinite"

Read More

another hello.

life's has been so so boring and i decided to make a little change.
second year of university sucking all of my time, like all of them, i dont even get to having my me time.
journals, homework, exam is no end, for fuck's sake.
i miss the old time of mine so nah.

on my exam days now but i am too lazy to study, duh.
but hey, 2 more sleeps and my exam is done! and i am shooo ready for holiday.
i promise to myself to be more productive and not lazying in my bed and watch movies all dayy.
going to try new things such like yoga (i've been wanting to do this long long time ago), writing, reading and learn guitar and yes cooking too!
but ya ya let's see later cause i am lazy as fuck HAHAHA

Read More